Another anchor in your relationship?

Wait! Wait! Joy yelled as I walked out the front door.

I smacked myself in the forehead because I knew exactly
what she wanted. I was about to leave and hadn’t given
her a goodbye kiss. Regular kisses when I leave in the
morning or arrive home in the evening are anchors for our
relationship. They are points of connection that help us
maintain a healthy marriage.

An anchor on a ship is used to hold it steady and in place.
Anchors in your relationship keep it steady and in place.
Between family, and kids, and work, and commuting,
and cooking, and cleaning, and laundry, etc. it’s easy to
get overcome by events and forget that a solid, steady, and
strong relationship with our spouse is what’s most important.

Anchors can be as simple as a kiss, a hug, or saying I love
you. Or they might take a little more thought like
remembering to call and check in during the day or taking
the time to send a quick e-mail. An anchor in your relationship
might be making a meal together, a regular date night, or going
to church together on Sunday morning.

There are literally dozens of things that you can do together on
a regular basis to connect with your spouse.

Carve out some time for the two of you to sit down together and
make a list of all the things each of you consider anchors in your
relationship. They don’t have to be the same and probably won’t
and that’s okay; different is different it’s not good or bad it’s just
different. If something you do is an anchor for your spouse, keep
doing it.

Make regular use of the list of anchors you created with your
spouse to strengthen your marriage.

How to Pamper Your Spouse

A great way to show you love your spouse is to pamper them. To pamper is “to treat with extreme care and attention.” The secret to pampering your mate is to understand what makes them feel pampered.

My wife Joy is an introvert. She re-energizes herself best when she can spend time alone. Being around people for too long drains her and makes her irritable. I learned this early in our relationship when I figured out why she always wanted to leave a party early just I was beginning to get warmed up. I get my energy from being around people and soaking up their energy, enthusiasm, and excitement.

Neither of these is the “right” way to be, they’re just different ways to be. We solved our party problem by taking two cars. That way Joy could leave when she was ready and I could stay until I was ready to leave, or more likely, when the host was kicking out stragglers.

With two young children we don’t get to too many parties these days. However Joy still needs her private time to re-energize. Taking care of two children all day doesn’t allow her much time to recharge.

These days I pamper her by giving her 20 minute breaks from the day. Whether it’s jumping in to be parent in charge when I get home, or asking her to take a nap during the few hours that the kids are in school and acting as her alarm clock, Joy gets to re-energize herself and feel pampered.

Ask your spouse what you can do for them so they feel pampered. It typically doesn’t take a lot of effort and you will love the results!

Be a good egg!

The other day my wife Joy was in the kitchen preparing a cake for our daughter Annika’s birthday. She had gathered all the ingredients, placed them strategically around the counter, and was meticulously measuring and mixing them in a bowl when I heard a small scream! I could tell immediately that something was very, very wrong. Joy had cracked an egg into the bowl and it was a bad egg. Yuck! It was a crucial mistake and was she frustrated.

Eggs in cake batter bind the other ingredients together so they blend harmoniously. While you can substitute for them, if you don’t put them in the texture will be off and kind of crumbly. Unfortunately I know a few couples with marriages that have an off texture and are kind of crumbly. The missing ingredient for harmony in their marriages isn’t eggs, but grace.

Grace is defined as mercy; clemency; or pardon.

- Grace in action accepts differences as just being differences without assigning judgements to them;
– Grace is compassionate and forgiving; and
– Grace is to release your spouse from liability for an offense.

Knowing that Joy was already upset commenting on her mistake would only have made the situation worse. Instead I dashed off to the store and got fresh eggs and a new box of cake mix. I was a good egg for my marriage.

Ephesians 4:32 (NIV) says “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Use grace in your marriage to help you and your spouse blend harmoniously, be a good egg!